Plan to Replace American Football With Soccer “On Track,” Says Europe

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BRUSSELS (The Borowitz Report)—A ten-year European devise to gradually proviso out American football in a United States and reinstate it with soccer is “very most on track,” a orator for a European Union reliable today.

The E.U. spokesman, Alf-Jergen Holmboe, pronounced a deputy of American football with soccer was a third in a three-step devise to renovate a U.S. into a European country.

“The initial dual stairs were electing a revolutionary President and instituting inhabitant health care,” he said. “Once soccer replaces football, a work will be done.”

Holmboe pronounced that a E.U. could take no credit for a legalization of happy matrimony in a United States, though called it “a really acquire development.” He added, “Once a nation has socialism, inhabitant health care, and happy marriage, soccer is customarily next.”

The orator offering no calendar for expelling baseball, though indicated that it was “in a works.”

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Photograph by Stuart Franklin/FIFA around Getty.

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